Expectations

The broken heart. You think you will die, but you just keep living, day after day after terrible day. ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

It has been exactly a year since that terrible day whose horrors still shake me to my core. The days in the past year went the same as Dickens describes in his work Great Expectations. It is a wonderful story that shall be the subject of another article. This one only talks about expectation. What is an expectation? Linguistically, it is a belief, a hope for something set to happen. Expectation is a desire. Shree Krishna says in the Bhagavad Geeta:

krodhād bhavati sammohah sammohāt smriti-vibhramah smriti-bhranśhād buddhi-nāśho buddhi-nāśhāt pranaśhyati

Anger leads to clouding of judgment, which results in bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, the intellect gets destroyed, and when the intellect is destroyed, one is ruined.

Take an example. X is a living being. The noun "being" is qualified by the adjective "living." When we use this adjective, do you expect X to breathe? Because the act of breathing is fundamental to the definition of being alive, there is nothing to expect as such. The same goes for a relationship or a bond. For the existence of a bond, respect and trust are fundamental concepts and are not to be expected of. It is the basic necessity for a relationship to begin with. So, when one says that there is a connection of affection, friendship, companionship, or a cordial link between two humans, the occurrence of mutual trust and respect is inherent and implicit. The word expectation is for ornamentals. You do something for someone, so now you are expecting in return—this is on decorative leisure to the bond, which is at the discretion and prudence of the parties.

Love all, trust a few. ~William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well

Today, as I commemorate the first anniversary of the betrayal and humiliation, which I have and will always qualify with "intended," I am also thankful to have learned a lot from the experience—sour and bitter. I had no expectations from them or the club but only what I consider a necessary component of my bonds herewith. Having tried an escape from these miseries, I realized it was not the characteristic of the place or few people but had become the general and normalized notion in society.

"To me, God is Truth and Love." ~Mahatma Gandhi

Very recently, I was again stunned with the duplicity of people around me. No matter the amount of love and trust I bestow on people, all I am destined to receive is fraud, deceit, and lies. Their tendency to use me at their comfort and convenience has astonished me again. In Shriramcharitmanas, Devi Anusuiya describes four categories of women. I firmly believe the same applies to men too. I shall quote the relevant extract here:

binu avasara bhaya tēṃ raha jōī. jānēhu adhama nāri jaga sōī.

She describes one as being utmost inferior and vile if she refrains herself due to lack of opportunity or fear. This is so apt. While you do not have other options, you will use me, but as soon as you have some others to choose from, I become expendable. Do you know what's cheaper than this? The justification of such an act is more niggling than the act itself. Justification that fault lies in me expecting them not to. I expect this blog will answer them. Ending with another quote from Great Expectations:

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but—I hope—into a better shape.