MY FIGHT SONG

इस नदी की धार से ठंडी हवा आती तो है

नाव जर्जर ही सही, लहरों से टकराती तो है

एक चिंगारी कहीं से ढूँढ लाओ दोस्तो

इस दिये में तेल से भीगी हुई बाती तो है

~दुष्यंत कुमार

I was never a fan of western music, I like my mother am more into Old Bollywood Classics Lata Mangeshkar, Mohammad Rafi, Kishore Kumar, Mahendra Kapoor, Mukesh, Manna Dey and many more. A time when under the umbrella of lyricists like Sahir Ludhianvi, Majrooh Sultanpuri, Hasrat Jaipuri, Yogesh and Anand Bakshi words still meant something. I always consumed English content in form of TV shows, or movies, and am a super fan of their cinematic work but English Music was something that never soothed my ears especially in the beginning. I am not able to figure out the exact reason behind this initial disliking but it might have been the fact that my first English song was Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’, nothing against that song or the artist but that was the day I realized what ‘Kaano se khoon nikalna’ literally meant.

I actually started exploring Western Music more in the quest of becoming cool, everyone who was popular or for that matter “worth talking to” in our class was listening to music that I had no relation with. And so to become a part of those discussions I started exploring the world of Western Music. My first song as I have already mentioned was a not-so-good experience, as I dived deeper my perception changed. I explored different genres rap, country, blues, rock, pop, alternative rock, techno-punk, metal, soul and also different artists of which many I liked and some I didn’t. Of course I listened to Eminem, I loved Taylor Swift’s music ( P.S. I still do, proud member of the Swifties), fell for Avicii, cried for Linkin Park, became a sucker for country music Brad Paisley and Whisky Lullaby will always remain close to my heart and of course madly danced to the Bon Jovi’s and Bryan Adams beats. My quest for becoming cool failed miserably, I ended up being the same fat, nerdy and boring guy that in school I always was. However, a new world of music opened up for me. Even though my go to jam till this day remains the collection of gems from the Golden Bollywood Era, I sometimes listen to English Music and it feels good.

So this was a little background, just to establish before my readers that although I like Western Music it has never been a constant on my playlist. However in June 2015 I came across this one song that left a huge impact on me. I never thought that one song had the power to change the way I look at life. But before I move on to what the song was and how it helped me, let’s start from the very beginning on how things unfolded.

Dreams are a complex succession of images, its not easy to understand the magic in our mind that produces these intricate illustrations. They are delicate like yarns of wool, woven together the fabric looks alluring but slowly the stitch gives away and the threads separate out one by one up to the point where you are left with nothing but yarns of wool again. One second you are floating in your own enchanting land of imagination and just then reality pulls your leg and throws you back to the ground. The Utopian Castle is shattered and all you are left with are broken pieces of glass. Nobody informs you about these reality checks in the beginning, you learn to let your imagination go loose and dream big but then one day out of nowhere these sentry’s come in your way and all your dreams are tied by the side of the road with a tether in their neck. The world and its system is unfair, believe me.

Anyways I always wanted to become a writer. My interest in literature was visible to everyone in my house. Academically I had always been a bright student and I was quite confident about pursuing a degree in Hindi Literature from Delhi University. I got done with my tenth class boards around second or third week of March 2015 and went to my father with a proposal of pursuing arts and getting admitted into DU further. Almost three weeks down the line I was scribbling my notes in a room at the FIITJEE Center on fourth floor of Vega Complex at Shankar Seth Road in Swargate Area of Pune City, preparing for IIT-JEE. I had taken a pillow and suffocated the life out of my dreams, then buried the corpse somewhere in the deep ditches of my mind.

I was trying to adjust to the new scenarios in the center. Up until that point I was one of the most academically sound students in my class, the toppers as they say. But here it was like everyone was four or five years ahead of me, for the first time in my life I was not able to comprehend what was written on the blackboard. And the gloominess of the fact that I may never be able to write again added to the indignation. Also for the first time I was away from home in a hostel, although I lived in the same city my house and the center were at two opposite ends of the metropolis and hence I had to shift in order to save the travel time. All this resulted in frustration and mediocre academic performances.

After almost nine weekly tests on the JEE MAIN pattern a monthly test was conducted on the actual JEE ADVANCED format. I gave the test and was waiting for my results. The results were declared and I saw a star marked against my name in the list, which meant that I had screwed up my OMR sheet somehow and that my result won’t be published. Trust me this was the best thing that could have happened at that point of time, looking at my dismal track record in previous tests I knew that results here could only be more miserable. But then I was a sincere student back then and also foolish, hence I sent an email to my supervisor asking him for the result. The reply I got shattered my world and to top that my father had my email access, I don’t know if I should make a clown out of my myself but I am attaching a screenshot of that reply below. Have fun checking it out-

A minus two in mathematics, I was a mathematics topper back in my school and now I was at the bottom of the strata. My father called, I was used to seeing my father angry, he is a military personnel anger runs through his veins but for the first time I felt that he was ashamed of me. Everything it seemed had come crashing down. Rock Bottom as they say, I had hit the rock bottom.

I didn’t know what to do. I started behaving madly, I took out some books and started solving anything. Closed one, opened another, then threw one on the floor and almost tore one to pieces. My roommate tried to console me, but I was inconsolable. After crying madly for like twenty or thirty minutes I thought that I needed some alone time, I had to figure out what was wrong. And so I took the stairs and went at the terrace. It was already getting dark, stars had started twinkling in the sky, cool breeze was gently blowing, I could hear some stray dogs barking. The flashy lights of Swargate area looked like little torches from the top. It was for the first time I had visited the terrace area since my shift. I tried to control my breathing, which until that point was all up and heavy due to all the crying.

I sat on the terrace floor, it was a little dirty but at that point of time floor dirt was something I could care least about. I was not allowed to keep a smartphone in the hostel, hence I used to carry a Lava A9 keypad mobile. For entertainment purposes the phone had a mp3 player and radio. My roommate had recently transferred his entire playlist in my memory chip, but I never got a chance to listen to them. Hence, I decided to play those songs and then contemplate on what was wrong with me. I started thinking and one by one the songs played and passed in the backdrop. I was not concentrating on the music, or the artist or the song. It was like one of those instances when you need something playing in the background while you venture into some other world. But then suddenly my entire focus was drawn to a couplet –

And I don't really care

If nobody else believes

'Cause I've still got

A lot of fight left in me

No, I've still got a lot of fight left in me

The song had almost ended when the last two phrases drew to my attention towards it. The powerful voice behind the lyrics sent a kind of pleasant pulsation down my body. I could connect to what the girl was saying. So instead of moving ahead I decided to play that song again. This time I shifted my entire concentration towards the song, the beats, music, the sweet, energetic and incredible voice and of course the powerful lyrics. I listened to each and every word, and it felt like revival, as if I someone had just flushed in oxygen to a patient gasping for air. The three minute twenty five second long masterpiece ended once again, this time I knew what to do. I played the song again, and again, and again, I played it on loop and everytime it ended the craving to hear it once again increased. I felt as if everytime the artist sang a verse a part of my life played in front of my eyes. The aria was Rachel Platten’s ‘Fight Song’.

कहीं पे धूप की चादर बिछा के बैठ गए

कहीं पे शाम सिरहाने लगा के बैठ गए ।

जले जो रेत में तलवे तो हमने ये देखा

बहुत से लोग वहीं छटपटा के बैठ गए ।

Fight Song was released on February 19, 2015. The song was written, composed and voiced by American singer and songwriter Rachel Platten. The song was kind off her debut with a major label, after having struggled for a break for almost fifteen years in the industry ‘Fight Song’ brought that big break which Platten was looking for. Platten herself in an interview to ABC said that Fight Song was more of a personal thing, she never expected it to become this big and the fact that so many people connected to it was amazing.

"I wrote the song when I was going through such a hard time and I needed to remember to believe in myself. ... So the fact that it's reached anyone other than me is really incredible.

When I wrote 'Fight Song,' I was in a particular low point. I needed to remind myself to not give up, that I still believed in myself and that I still had fight left. I didn't intend to write, you know, for the world to hear to be honest. I wrote it 'cause I needed it. And I wrote it 'cause I needed that reminder and I needed hope. And maybe there was this tiny place in my heart that I believed this could still happen. And the fact that it did is crazy."

If you want to guess how big fight song became you can refer to RIAA where it has registered a certified sales number of over 6 million copies in United States alone and charted at no. 6 on the Billboard Hot 100 and topped the charts in Britain and Poland. The song was featured in several T.V shows including Pretty Little Liars and Supergirl. It became the official theme song for the ‘Rise Above Cancer’ campaign. It was sung by the Pitch Perfect crew 2016 Democratic National Convention. The song was used in the presidential campaign for Hilary Clinton. Apart from all of this the song connected to millions like me who felt that they had lost everything.

Coming back to the story, I sat there listening to the song I don’t know for how long. I saw the night changing its colour and felt the midnight dew settling on the terrace and the temperature in the surroundings falling. Although it was summers yet Pune at night is cold enough to push you within the comfort of your homes to top that I was wearing a loose sleeveless t-shirt and knickers, that’s it. And yet I sat there listening to Fight Song and gazing the changing colours of midnight sky, slowly from dark ebony like shade it transformed to little shades of purple and dark blue. I felt enchanted, until like five or maybe six hours ago I felt like running away, now I was feeling happy and wanted to smile. The lyrics were still ringing in my earphones-

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I'm alright song

My power's turned on

Starting right now I'll be strong

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if nobody else believes

'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

I was also like a small boat in this ocean of madness, trying to figure my way out of those DPP’s, and weekly tests and Phase Examinations and what not. But all I had with me was the fight within, the spark that kept my soul intact and I was not going to let that go. I went back to my room only in the morning when I saw the first ray penetrating the purplish-blue aurora of the night sky with its orange radiance. The mighty picturesque that I captured in my mind that morning changed the course of my life thereon. Obviously you cannot transform yourself magically over the course of one night, but yeah from that point onwards I always kept the fight within me alive. Till today the funda remains the same, “ And I don't really care if nobody else believes, 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me.”

Even now when I am penning this article down, I am listening to the song in the background. I’ll keep on listening to it upto the point where the fight inside me dies and I really hope that day never comes. To all my friends reading this piece- first of all thank you for bearing with me through my boring story and my only message for you is , “ KEEP FIGHTING”.

आज सड़कों पर लिखे हैं सैंकड़ों नारे न देख

घर अँधेरा देख तू आकाश के तारे न देख

एक दरिया है यहाँ पर दूर तक फैला हुआ

आज अपने बाजुओं को देख पतवारें न देख