TRIGGER WARNING
Updated: Oct 9
Warning: RAW Content Ahead.
At almost 3AM in the morning when I am supposed to be half dazed after a long tiring day, an exposure to a genuine piece of art has propelled me severely to pour my heart out about a thing which was there inside my stomach like a crumpled heap since a few days.
Before I get myself drenched in the season of festivities and switch my mood from a dehydrated uni-student to an absolutely lunatic joyous kid who can dance on any random beats... I have something to share
I have always found it difficult to adapt to situations which demand extreme nonchalant response. Though my life till now hasn't been any big picture motion production but I have gone through quite an emotional upheaval at times.. which others would potentially label as overly- emotional behaviour.
As Durga Puja is approaching and I just cannot wait to pack my bags and run away from here, there is something which made me ponder over things. THINGS.
Whenever I visit home on holidays or festivities I am on a constant dilemma. Initial two days of the vacation is always lost on registering the fact that now I am at a place where I don't have to be detached. Where I can feel. I am free to feel things. Free to laugh. Free to express. Free to chatter incessantly. Those two days I just reply to the people around me in just two syllables or at the most five. My parents have termed it the "HOSTEL EFFECT". A scenario where your child gets completely transformed into a mean being who doesn't give a damn about others!
And by the time I recover from the HOSTEL EFFECT, and open myself up, it's time to pack bags again!
The moment at the airport where I have to say goodbyes and start my return journey again to the place that has emotionally dead beings and functionally healthy professionals has my throat choking. Throughout the whole 5 hrs of my overall commute, I just keep wondering about how to turn my switch off.
Switch? Which Switch ?
The same switch that turns me from an emotional, vulnerable and fragile being to a one that is rigid and frosty.
Forgetting headphones at home is one of the most dreadful things you can ever do because that journey from your hostel room to the classes could take a toll on you.
We have reached to a situation where everybody wants to chill but still they would prefer to doomscroll and binge watch things. Why? Is it their fault?! NO!
I have friends who have earphones plugged in while they are in conversations.
Were they always like this? NO!?!
Were humans meant to perform in this way? NO!
I myself at times feel that I have lost the ability to connect to people now.
Was I like this eversince? NO!!!
Superficiality is a default set mode in people now. I have so many instances where I had tried to initiate conversations that died out because of unresponsiveness and now I myself feel that so many conversations die out because of my unresponsiveness.
In this tech driven world, where only a few would have cared to read till this far, the survival of the genuine is becoming more and more tough. I have gone through phases where my vulnerability has costed me heftily.
Detached, edgy, cool, dank, trendy, idgaf are some of the terms which need to be there in your survival guide and by words I mean actions!
At times we have become so engrossed in the superficial world of happiness that we have forgotten to embrace happiness in real life.
Technical advancements in the entertainment field were made for times when people felt lonely so that they could resort to resources that had the capability to cheer them up... But with the passage of time we have apps that provide us with any content we wish, we have our own very personal assistant who is there to chat with us,our Spotify playlist 'cause I don't wanna share my sorrows with anyone, I have my sad-girl-era playlist and earphones plugged in.
To the generation which has zero receptive capacity yet is there to react a sad emoji to a depression post!
Dry responses, mean comments,wannabe dank posts are all that we need for our validity it seems...Emotional vulnerability and support are the thing of past now. A person who thinks too much, experiences with open arms is the one who is out dated!
Ishita I guess you need a system Update unless you expect a crash in near future!
As I opened my borrowed -Netflix account today to binge watch something to feel happy (irony). I stumbled upon the latest release "CTRL". The film from which though I had least expectations delivered brilliantly. It is more than something which we all have experienced till now. Not just an AI inspired piece of art but a mirror into the lives where you get tailored and censored even before you unwrap yourself.
I would genuinely like to request folks to take out some time and take a sneak peek into their own lives!
CTRL, Take control of my Life!
CTRL sounds intriguing--will definitely check it out. Have you watched Black Mirror? It's a bit before your time, but very thought provoking.
Your struggle is also your superpower, I think you have to try to start a journey to recognise that. You're struggling with loneliness and not fitting in, but the fact that you're one of the few of your peers who are not addicted is what will be your huge strength in the future. It's a strength now as well, though it doesn't feel like that. I tell my daughter the same thing that you're not addicted like all your classmates, that's an edge you'll realise later.
It's very sad that the things have come to this and it's…